OMG.. I'm going to be 29!

I will celebrate my 29th birthday in three months. This may be no big deal to some of you, but to me... it is a symbol of ending 20s and beginning responsible 30s. I feel like I should have it all together during my 30s. My 20s have been a decade of trial and error and "getting to know myself" kinda times. I've set this invisable standard for myself; I should have more of myself pulled together... and now I only have a year left to do it. Where has the last decade of my life gone? I haven't decided what I want to be yet!

Having my first child at 28 worked well for me. I threw many days and nights down the drains of a multitude of bar bathrooms prior to Benjamin's conception. I moved around and visited many places and basked on many beaches. I learned what I would and would not accept from both friendships and relationships, and I tested my own personal strengths and weaknesses. Benjamin came into my life and changed everything. But I definitley appreciate both ends of this life spectrum! Anyhow, now that 30 is nearing, I feel like I have more weight on my shoulders to decide when or if I will have another child. Do you understand how incredibly heavy this is? If I was 21, I would have all the time in the world. At 30... not so much! Biologically I have more time than I do mentally. I'm not so fond of the idea of chasing toddlers at 40! This equates to enforcing my decision making power and making a powerful decision. I know that I don't have to stand concrete right now, and I know that at any time I can change my mind, but the thought of having to seriously think about these things is heavy on me! Now all of this may sound comical to some of you and I'm sure when I turn 30 I will look back at this blog and find a bit of comedy in it myself. But for now.. whoa, I have one more year to be non-chalant and well, 20 something. Eek!