Personal Reflection

So as it is obvious from previous post, we are back home, and I am a little refreshed! I find myself needing a quick get a way to recharge my spirits. As I have been very honest about, all of the changes in my life in the last year require some getting used to! Sometimes a trip out of day to day life leaves me charged to get back to my basics!

I never forget how thankful I am for my family. Johnny and Benjamin are my most favorite things in the world, and i'm pretty sure that the feeling is well mutual! I enjoy spending each day with them, but sometimes I start to take my days for granted and think less of my inner goals. On my drive home from the valley last night, I started thinking about the two weeks that had passed. I have been at personal crossroads. These crossroads, although do not need to be specified, have weighed me down, caused me to lose sleep, and in the end, I began to think less of the joy I want to be a part of daily, and was thinking more of the turmoil which I allowed to consumed me. I know that I am the only person that is responsible for my happiness, and I am the ultimate determiner of my reactions to another's actions, not visa versa. I dislike that I have allowed myself to fall into the "me" mode, and play the victim when things don't go as I mentally planned them, people don't feel as I think they should, others do not have the same personal goals, and others do not react how I would. I am so imperfect. I get angry when others pity or become consumed with themselves, that I forget the good that is also apart of their exsistence.

I strive for change. I want to be better today than I was yesterday, and never grow complacent. I want to see the good in all (although some people are determined to believe otherwise about me!) and I want to continue loving all the things that I hold so dear and love so much! My family is first in all that I do, think and feel. I will not give up or stop loving regardless of the chance I am taking. I am not only speaking in terms of Johnny and Benjamin, I am speaking of sisters, parents, aunts, uncles and cousins. I am trying and with each passing day growing closer to better understanding the dynamics of this thing called relationships that we put ourselves through. Each relationship which has an ounce of gratification requires a pound of work, and I need to keep this fire under me to remain true to the work that is important to me! I know that I need to grow. I need patience. But one thing is for sure, my love is never dying.