A diffferent kind of blog

It's late and I should be sleeping, but I find myself wide awake with thoughts. My two lovely boys are in the other room slumbering, and I finally have a moment of quiet- just for me. I quietly climbed out of bed and debated a cup of new Dunkin Donut coffee, but figured it would keep me up later than I'd like, so I've turned to blogging. I know that my new status as "housewife" is very misleading. Many may believe that I have all the time in the world for mild things such as blogging, but the reality is, most days I ask myself "when are you going to sit down?" and wonder where in the hell my day went when I finally do rest. I never seem to have an answer that is better than "I have a baby-end of subject".

Something hit me hard last night and touched me beyond my daily recognitions. I received a package over the weekend from an old co worker and friend in Tennessee. The contents were of course for Benjamin, but there also were items for me-to help me be a better parent. Now, I was really reminded that people make lasting impacts in our lives. I have not actually spoke to my friend other than a few emails in nearly two years. It is so easy for me to get caught up in my daily life that I forget about actually keeping in touch, and then feel lonely for not doing so. This package reminded me that people come in to our lives for all sorts of reasons, and some stay regardless of the miles between. And funny how some people are uplifting when you seem to need it most

The other reason that this package made an impact was the contents to help me be a better mom. As all new moms do, I have thought I know what is best. Really, I may not. My focus however, is to be the best that I can be. As I look around our empty apartment, I remember that although we haven't found the furniture we want, have very little that we call our own, and are miles from the people we know, the most important things to me are my family, and being the best that I can be. I want to be better tomorrow than I was today. For once in my life, I can look around and have nothing material that I am proud of, but I can honestly say that I am the happiest that I have ever been. I was born to be a mother. I was born to have this family.

So my days are filled with changing poopy diapers, or fretting over why Benjamin hasn't had a poopy diaper in two days. My afternoons are filled with desires for naps and dinner preparations, and evenings are consumed by tired crys and baby baths. My voice stays at the high pitch of baby talking most of the time and I have to remind myself to change my pitch when having an adult conversation. My wardrobe consists of "lounging" clothes with spit up spots, and it sometimes takes me until 6 pm to finally get our bed made, but I am part of something bigger than just me and that alone makes operating on 4 or 5 hours of sleep worth more than anything I've ever had. I'm finally at peace.