Confessions Of An Average Mom

I often find myself spending way too much time thinking of all the things that I don't do as a mom. I feel like I am just average.... I love my son and want the best, but I see so many more moms doing so much more than I do. I confess that I am jealous of their seemingly never ending zest for motherhood. I begin to feel guilty for needing "ME" time and for asking for my own time out.

Against American Association of Pediatrics' advice, I allow Benny to watch Noggin TV although he isn't two years old yet. It gives me a chance to do non baby related things.. like the dishes and read the news! Sometimes I let Benny cry for 5 minutes before running to his rescue (albeit major mommy need). We don't read as many books as "they" say we should, eat the foods "they" advise, and I've let Benny taste chocolate and eat a french fry! I cuddle him all night long and don't force him to sleep anywhere but at my side. I nurse him on demand and let Benny be in control and I don't have any set schedule or timed naps for him. We get up and go at a moments notice and I nurse him wherever we are. Am I creating a problem for the future?

I feel inadequate at times because I am not completely on top of life's creativity tower. I listen to moms' ideas for so many things and I take it all in and think.. where do they think of this stuff? I know somewhere in my mind that ideas are passed from mom to mom and nobody knows it all, but I can't help but be an average mom wondering if my averageness is less than the acceptable average. In other words.. am I doing this stuff right or am I in the danger gray area?

I have prayed many mornings that Benny would fall back to sleep for "just a few more minutes".. and I fantasized what it would be like to have an entire day of selfish mommy-ness! Sometimes I look around our place and think "will this mess ever be cleaned up"? and of course it will be, just not today..and sometimes I wish it was today! We don't engage in daily curricular mom and me activites unless one considers trying to stay one step ahead of Benny with enterainment is considered mom and me activity. Am I hindering his growth?

I let Benny go to bed when he wants, wake up at 10 PM when Dad gets home if he wants and we listen to rock and roll music which may not be as kid friendly to some. Some days Benny only gets his hands and face washed and doesn't take a bath because I am just too stinking tired (those are days the house gets cleaned!). Some days he gets to shower with dad and then bathe with mom. Some times I almost feel like we aim at inconsistency in our parenthood. Is this what parenthood is? I know good parenting is doing what works for your family, but am I missing out on things that would actually work "better" for us because of my inability to operate at 100% for 100% of the time? Where do women find the energy to operate this way? I seriously want to know.. or is it not what it appears? If it isn't, it sure does look good!

At the end of the day though, I remember that I may be an average parent, but I don't just love my little guy in an average way. I would die protecting him and when his little eyes close at the end of the say I know that he is well loved and protected....even if I am just average!