How Am I Doing?

It's 12:30pm and I'm tired. I'm just getting around to my first of many cups of coffee. Benny went to sleep nice and early last night which afforded Johnny and I some alone time, but it also equated to Benny waking up very early this morning. I've tried to get him to nap, but he does so only in 30 minute increments. He is currently squirming in his swing. I know I'll have to put this blog on hold once again. This seems to be a lot of my life. Johnny will be home for lunch in a half hour, and I would like to make sure that his lunch is warmed. It is the least that I can do to make his day smoother. And I quietly relish in the "housewife" duty. The title is so out of the ordinary for me, but I am starting to really love it although a good housewife does her dishes which I don't care to do today.

I don't think I will make it out of the house today just from sheer laziness. I really have no desire to get myself or Benny dressed for that matter. Today will make a good cozy sweats day since I have the blinds closed and the house is dark. Tomorrow will be a different story. Ben and I will be traveling to the valley again for yet another one of my doctor appointments. I will be glad when they are all said and done, but I secretly don't mind the trip THAT much since it gives me something out of my routine to do! I'm hoping that I will be told that I can begin working out so that Benny and I can begin daily jogs. Although I have lost all of my baby weight, I haven't lost the weight that I gained from quitting smoking. It is the best weight gain reason ever, but I'm just not loving the feel of the weight, and I obsess which I am sure annoys everyone. The other obsession that I seem to have reverted back to is making sure that my house is clean, but I don't actually clean it obsessively, I just make mental notes that I constantly seem to be going over in my head. I never become disappointed when I fail at achieving my mental to do list, I just begin it over again the next day and thus becomes the cycle of trying to keep our home clean.

I am looking forward to the holidays and all that comes with them. I have a few trips planned and the next six months of my life seem to be so full of excitement that life feels more than complete. Almost like I may wake and find out it was all a dream. With Benny's first holidays, Johnny quitting his second job, Ronan being born and mine and Benny's impending trip to Colorado all coming up, I feel like life this is what life is supposed to be about but sometimes I find myself sulking because I occasionally get lonely. I spend all day alone with Benjamin, just waiting for Johnny to run in and grab lunch, then at 5 pm there is a quick coffee break for him. Occasionally I will take him dinner at 8pm if Benny permits, but that is normally bath time so I never plan on being out of the house. When I catch myself sulking, I become so disgusted with myself. I have it all. Yes, I want Johnny home and I can't wait until this other job ends, but I am so fortunate to have a wonderful provider. And I am very lucky that I have a good baby who provides hours of entertainment. I hope that I am maintaining my constant goal to be better than I was yesterday.

This town is beautiful although San Pedro is where I really want to be. The beach is a little less than amazing, but nonetheless, awesome. The streets are clean and corporate america hasn't completely invaded and wiped out small business. I try to remain green and use only recycle bags at the grocery stores now. I highly encourage you to do the same. The bags eliminate your need for plastic and they are only a dollar a piece. The trick is just remembering to take them with you, so a trip to the grocery store needs to be somewhat planned. I'm thinking of heading my scholastic focus on becoming a lactation consultant since I have a burning passion for educating on breastfeeding. I think everyone woman needs to do everything within her power to nurse. I won't jump on an obvious soapbox, but this is where I'd like to see myself heading. We haven't decided when I will go back to work, but I'd love for a career shift.

So how am I doing? I'm doing fine. A blog is just the tip of the iceberg for me. I gave up on the idea of a nap a few hours ago and I've learned that a nap is not completely necessary when coffee is involved. Life is good and peaceful. Peaceful is the most important.