It's late and I should be sleeping, but I find myself wide awake with thoughts. My two lovely boys are in the other room slumbering, and I finally have a moment of quiet- just for me. I quietly climbed out of bed and debated a cup of new Dunkin Donut coffee, but figured it would keep me up later than I'd like, so I've turned to blogging. I know that my new status as "housewife" is very misleading. Many may believe that I have all the time in the world for mild things such as blogging, but the reality is, most days I ask myself "when are you going to sit down?" and wonder where in the hell my day went when I finally do rest. I never seem to have an answer that is better than "I have a baby-end of subject".
Something hit me hard last night and touched me beyond my daily recognitions. I received a package over the weekend from an old co worker and friend in Tennessee. The contents were of course for Benjamin, but there also were items for me-to help me be a better parent. Now, I was really reminded that people make lasting impacts in our lives. I have not actually spoke to my friend other than a few emails in nearly two years. It is so easy for me to get caught up in my daily life that I forget about actually keeping in touch, and then feel lonely for not doing so. This package reminded me that people come in to our lives for all sorts of reasons, and some stay regardless of the miles between. And funny how some people are uplifting when you seem to need it most
The other reason that this package made an impact was the contents to help me be a better mom. As all new moms do, I have thought I know what is best. Really, I may not. My focus however, is to be the best that I can be. As I look around our empty apartment, I remember that although we haven't found the furniture we want, have very little that we call our own, and are miles from the people we know, the most important things to me are my family, and being the best that I can be. I want to be better tomorrow than I was today. For once in my life, I can look around and have nothing material that I am proud of, but I can honestly say that I am the happiest that I have ever been. I was born to be a mother. I was born to have this family.
So my days are filled with changing poopy diapers, or fretting over why Benjamin hasn't had a poopy diaper in two days. My afternoons are filled with desires for naps and dinner preparations, and evenings are consumed by tired crys and baby baths. My voice stays at the high pitch of baby talking most of the time and I have to remind myself to change my pitch when having an adult conversation. My wardrobe consists of "lounging" clothes with spit up spots, and it sometimes takes me until 6 pm to finally get our bed made, but I am part of something bigger than just me and that alone makes operating on 4 or 5 hours of sleep worth more than anything I've ever had. I'm finally at peace.
Another weekend gone and Benny is another week older!
They say time flys when your having fun athough I'm never sure who "they" are, but it is true!
My little sister and her Baby Belly flew into town last week (FINALLY) and we had a wonderful weekend in the valley. It was the first time since none of us can even remember that all of the "aunts" and "cousins" that grew up together were at the same place and time. Also, it was the first time since my sister, mom and I were together since 2002.
Johnny unfortunatley was sick with food poisoning but managed to pull himself together for a little bit of Halloween celebration. His mom was awesome again by helping me with Benjamin. It's so nice when I get to sleep in and not feel guilty! Benny was wonderful! We had a family "baby celebration" dinner for my sister on Saturday at Castillo's in Fresno and Benny was passed from lady to lady and he didn't get fussy. I was sure that I would have an unhappy baby, but he suprised me again and was perfect! Later that same night I dressed him up as a skeleton and took him to the party where he slept peacefully and perfectly. I am sooooo lucky!
My sister is having a boy!!! I am so excited! Sometimes I feel guilty for not doing all things that I want to do for her because I am consumed by Benjamin, but I can't wait to be there in Colorado to welcome Baby Ronan to the world! Her belly is adorable, and just to look at my little sister all grown up makes me smile although a little sad that she really doesn't need me anymore. As most of you remember, she was actually my first child! I am so thankful for the relationship that she and I have though... and Jess, THANKS for being and always remaining drama free! The way sisters should be!
My sister is having a boy!!! I am so excited! Sometimes I feel guilty for not doing all things that I want to do for her because I am consumed by Benjamin, but I can't wait to be there in Colorado to welcome Baby Ronan to the world! Her belly is adorable, and just to look at my little sister all grown up makes me smile although a little sad that she really doesn't need me anymore. As most of you remember, she was actually my first child! I am so thankful for the relationship that she and I have though... and Jess, THANKS for being and always remaining drama free! The way sisters should be!
Anyway, Benny is now another week older and fitting perfectly into his 0-3 month clothing. All of his newborn items are being passed on to Ronan. I cant believe how big he is and how time is flying by! He only wakes once in the night for nursing, and is such a smiling baby! Ok, Ok, enough baby bragging!
Onto some pics from the weekend and a few that I meant to previously post: Hope you enjoy!
I'm sure Benny will pay Johnny back for this one day!
And this!
Benny likes to be serenaded!
My boys! So adorable!
My beautiful sister and I. She's the ham.
My mom, sister and I
Aunt Jess and Benny
Cousins! We seriously love eachother.
Benny and his great aunt grandma!
Border brother and trailer park meet at a Halloween party!
My best friend. She tells me when you talk about me!
Benner the skeleton!
I know, it is looks very very real.
But at the end of the night when the costumes come off, this is whats really left!
My family. I'm blessed!
Mixed Feelings
As everyone should know, life in LA is expensive to say the least, and with only one income right now, our lives are on much more of a budget than they were while living in the valley. I understand that this is the price Johnny and I pay for me being a stay at home mom, so please do not take this blog as me complaining about our budget at all. I actually prefer it. Anyway, one of my efforts to reduce cost is to buy staple grocery items (bread. eggs, cereal etc.) at (GASP) Walmart. Now, let me explain: While living in Florida, Walmart was unheard of to me unless it was a total last resort. While living in the valley, I shopped there as least as possible and wholeheartedly believed in shopping at SaveMArt or even Farmers if applicable. I didn't shop at Walmart for the reasons that I hate what they will do to small communities. Yes, I said it. I hate that small businesses are literally shut down by Walmart. I hate that corporate America rapes us and proclaims that they are providing jobs. Yes, providing jobs is true, but at minimum wage and a dead end ahead.
So, (stepping off soapbox)I do however agree that Walmart provides cheaper prices and with the economy in the dumps as it is, expensive LA prices, and one income (as you see, I feel the need to explain, and rightfully so) I looked on the Walmart website for the nearest store (al the while feeling like shit about doing so). To my happiness and dismay, I found that there is not a Walmart within 15 miles of my zipcode. I am glad and feel a sense of relief that I can't ACTUALLY shop there and then feel regret later, but I am actually a little sad that I can't save more money. THIS is the reason that Walmart is evil. I almost need to say nothing else, but I will. Walmart convinces us (ou are probably included) that we NEED them and we actaully do for the sake of price competition. They really do win. But we all know exactly how they do it.. monopolizing.
In the end, i have mixed emotions and will now have to look for an alternative. With milk rices nearly 5 bucks a gallon down here, I hope that the alternative is close!
So, (stepping off soapbox)I do however agree that Walmart provides cheaper prices and with the economy in the dumps as it is, expensive LA prices, and one income (as you see, I feel the need to explain, and rightfully so) I looked on the Walmart website for the nearest store (al the while feeling like shit about doing so). To my happiness and dismay, I found that there is not a Walmart within 15 miles of my zipcode. I am glad and feel a sense of relief that I can't ACTUALLY shop there and then feel regret later, but I am actually a little sad that I can't save more money. THIS is the reason that Walmart is evil. I almost need to say nothing else, but I will. Walmart convinces us (ou are probably included) that we NEED them and we actaully do for the sake of price competition. They really do win. But we all know exactly how they do it.. monopolizing.
In the end, i have mixed emotions and will now have to look for an alternative. With milk rices nearly 5 bucks a gallon down here, I hope that the alternative is close!
I Couldn't Resist!
I have the best guy and Benny has the best Dad! This is our first weekend alone in our new home. I wanted to sleep in and Johnny took Benny this morning so that I could! After I woke and got ready we went for a nice afternoon on the beach and to the produce market for our dinner veggies! Benny was such a good baby all day! He has spent good quality time with Johnny and has barely cried!
This evening I cooked dinner and B sat on the counter and watched happily. I took pictures of him because he is so dang cue that I couldn't resist. We go a little creative and Johnny took advantage of Benn's passiveness. I truly was afraid that he would end up being a really fussy baby, but he isn't and we are so relieved. Plus he seems to really enjoy following Johnny around with his eyes!
Hope you enjoy!
Johnny and Benny--both watching Saturday morning soccer!
What do you think of my broccoli hat?
Do you like the pepper better?
Zuchinni Ears
I'm cute!
Pretending I'm not listening!
I have to add these pictures that I just took!
Benny and I are waiting for Johnny to get home from work. Benny had a major diaper change, a nice long feeding and a few burps. He is absolutley happy so I decided to lay him down on his little baby mat! He LOVES it! I've heard him cooing as he is looking at the hanging toys. I pretend not to hear as to not disrupt him! Every minute or so I glance back at him and my heart melts! He has been such a good baby today! We had a bit of a rough morning, but I was able to get three whoe loads of laundry done this afternoon!
Also, I am adding a pic I took of him yesterday while he was peacefully slumbering. I just can't get enough of him!
I hope you enjoy!
I hope you enjoy!
New Mom Discoveries!
There is so much that I am discovering as a new mom, and I have been very open to all and any suggestion which "old" moms may have. But here is something that I found online and I'd like to make sure it is passed on to other moms because it really is great!
Baby Wearing is not just for Hollywood fashion. Sasha bought Benny and I a baby wrap and it has saved me so many times. The wrap is a 6 foot by 2 foot piece of crinkle cotton which can be tied in many ways in order to wear a baby. I have worn Benny when doing things around the house, on the beach, while nursing and shopping. It is so easy to nurse him discreetly while having him wrapped to me while in public! I can do just about anything with him against me which soothes him and allows me to hold him hands free!
This is much different than the slings that you can buy at Target. The wrap can be tied as a sling if you'd like, but there are so many more options.
I have a cd which shows 12 ways to tie the sling and wear the baby. If anybody is interested, I will gladly burn a copy or send instructions on how to tie if you are interested! Seriously, it is my number one "must have" for the baby. Also, there are tie holds for toddlers which allows the little guy to be held on the hip hand free. Kids up to 45 lbs can be wrapped to mom or dad!
My main advice is this though... Go to a fabric store and buy your own piece of crinkle cotton. Ordering online will cost you a nice price which is absolutley unnecessary. And, there is no sewing required.
Baby Wearing is not just for Hollywood fashion. Sasha bought Benny and I a baby wrap and it has saved me so many times. The wrap is a 6 foot by 2 foot piece of crinkle cotton which can be tied in many ways in order to wear a baby. I have worn Benny when doing things around the house, on the beach, while nursing and shopping. It is so easy to nurse him discreetly while having him wrapped to me while in public! I can do just about anything with him against me which soothes him and allows me to hold him hands free!
This is much different than the slings that you can buy at Target. The wrap can be tied as a sling if you'd like, but there are so many more options.
I have a cd which shows 12 ways to tie the sling and wear the baby. If anybody is interested, I will gladly burn a copy or send instructions on how to tie if you are interested! Seriously, it is my number one "must have" for the baby. Also, there are tie holds for toddlers which allows the little guy to be held on the hip hand free. Kids up to 45 lbs can be wrapped to mom or dad!
My main advice is this though... Go to a fabric store and buy your own piece of crinkle cotton. Ordering online will cost you a nice price which is absolutley unnecessary. And, there is no sewing required.
He's tucked n and away from the sun!
Totally hands free and he was happy!
Finally.. a moment to blog!
Benny's First Raisin Day. 10 Days old!
He has already mastered the "You're dumb" look which everyone swears he gets from me!
Finally Johnny is a fulltime dad!
Bath Time for Benny! He LOVES this little frog washcloth invention thing!
Three Weeks Old!
Johnny and Benny on the Hermosa Beach Pier
Benny's first bath in the sink!
I love this picture!
Our life has had major changes... obviously. We scored our apartment in Redondo Beach although not without a heavy price, but we are minutes from the beach again, and in what we feel is a very safe and nice neighborhood. We realized that in order to live here, we must make serious sacrafices! There isnt a swimming pool, but we have secure parking and are minutes (yes, minutes!) from the water!. We don't have a whole lot of space, but there are laundry facilities on premises and we have a furnished refrigerator! A total package woud have been at an unbelievable price and the truth is, we are simple. I am just superbly relieved to get on with life in LA. There seemed to be so many constant negatives in the valley that Johnny and I ached to leave.. and leave the baggage! Thank God our team is stronger than those before us and we have persevered!
Johnny is still working all day which I can't wait until he gives it up! I want him home so bad, but we know very good things are going to come out of this, so we are being ducks and sitting. We have an action packed month ahead of us which we are all looking forward to as well! We have many visitors and trips planned so my days should stay busy for a while. But for today, Benny and I are hanging out alone! Johnnys mom helped us move which was a huge help and after begging, I convinced her to stay a few extra days. She left this morning, and this feeling of wonder crept over me... this is mine and Benjamin's first time alone and out of reach from anyone. Scary, but as I know, not knowing what could happen has been the greatest joy in my life. Benny and I are on an adventure together!
Benny has grown more than ever also! He has traveled between LA and the valley very well and sleeps the whole way! The vibrations of the road on the 99 seem to keep him slumbering. He did however have a little bit of a problem with his umbilical cord falling off which required some special attention and medicine from the doc which was when I encountered my first cry of pain with my son. She warned me that when she applied ointment that he would not be happy. To my suprise, he SCREAMED and I cried for him. Dealing with the baby blues didn't provide much help either. Other than this episode and some gas trouble which occasionally creates fits of inconsolable crying, Benny has been healthy and such a wonderful addition to our lives that I don't even have the words to describe!
This Friday Benny wil be four weeks old, and it seems like so much has happened in the last four weeks but yet I can't believe how quickly time goes by. I do finally feel like I can sit back and relax and enjoy my family now that I have recovered and we are moved and settled. I think I may even begin to cook more! I still have a few weeks before I can get back to running and working out, but I will be patient... although patience doesn't come naturally to me.
Benjamin Vance!
As most of you know by now, Benjamin Vance was born on September 17th. He weighed 7lbs 4 oz and was 20 inches long. He is healthy and the best thing that could have evered happened in our lives.
My labor was induced on Tuesday morning due to high blood pressure and becoming elcamptic. After nearly 20 hours of induced labor (yes, feeling STRONG contractions), my cervix still would not dialate. I was stuck at 4cm on Wednesday morning when the doctor finally decided to take Benny via C Section. I had already been overloaded on drugs and was ready to just be out of pain.
Benny was born at 7:35 Wednesday morning and arrived in the world as a perfect little baby! He is absolutley gorgeous. He has the most beautiful dark blue eyes which are exactly like my sister's and a head full of dark hair. He is amazing. The joy that he brings us is amazing!
This blog is a bit short, but Johnny has left to L.A., and I am on "baby schedule" now which leaves me little room to do things such as blog! I'll leave with a few pictures though. I hope you enjoy!
Will this baby ever come out?????
I had my weekly doctor appointment on Friday with Dr. Cano and only gained 1/2 lb which was exciting, but what was more exciting was that after checking my cervix, he informed me that I was 2 cm dialated!!! He also said that my cervix was very soft-and from what I understand, this is a good thing for women who want to deliver! I left his office elated and daydreamed about the birth and all the little details. All of the women in my family promised that I would be "just like my mom" and deliver fast and most surely by the end of the weekend!!!
Johnny raced home early on Friday with the idea of the impending birth of our son very soon around the corner. He didn't teach his night class or make it to the pharmacy. He let everyone know of his well prepared lesson plans and that he would not be back on Monday and possibly Tuesday! Well, here it is almost 48 hours after my last appointment, and I feel like I am going to pop, but I don't believe there has been any change inside of my body, and Johnny has to go back to work tomorrow.
I slept very very little on Friday night due to trying hard to count the time between contractions. Unfortunately I either dozed off or the contractions were impossible to time because of irregularity-both in time and strength. This is a very frusterating situation as any woman who has given birth well knows. At this point in my life there is nothing that I wnat more than to go into active labor-especially trying to time all of this while Johnny is still home. It is an impossible task to control.
Saturday morning I woke and stood and had a gush of fluid leave my body uncontrollably which sent excitement through my blood! Had my water broke and I would be on my way??? Johnny and I got our things together and went to the hospital. It was determined that my water had not broke at all, and what I thought was a burst of amniotic fluid was more than likely just a case of incontinence from all the pressure!!! Talk about a let down. I still held hope that maybe my body was doing it's job over night and my cervix was opening enough to be kept in the hospital. Again, to our disppointment, I was told that I was still dialated at 2 cm. No change!!!!!! I got to lay in bed for an hour and was then sent home.
Still determined that I would have this baby by the end of the weekend, Johnny and I spent 2 hours walking through Target last night. It left me very tired and I had finally got wonderful sleep. My contractions still are irregular and I am almost consumed by back pain which I really want to believe is one big disguised contraction. I'm not so sure that I am correct though.
So tonight Johnny will leave at his usual 8pm time frame, and I will be left in Dinuba wondering how quickly he can get back should the need arise before next weekend. I was positive that I would have delivered by now, so attempting to put another time frame on Benjamin's arrival would only mean setting myself up for a let down.
As I laid in bed last night I thought about the lesson that I have been learning all summer-patience. Perhaps this is another was of enforcing the lesson and preparing both Johnny and I for the extreme amount of patience that we will need as parents.
Johnny raced home early on Friday with the idea of the impending birth of our son very soon around the corner. He didn't teach his night class or make it to the pharmacy. He let everyone know of his well prepared lesson plans and that he would not be back on Monday and possibly Tuesday! Well, here it is almost 48 hours after my last appointment, and I feel like I am going to pop, but I don't believe there has been any change inside of my body, and Johnny has to go back to work tomorrow.
I slept very very little on Friday night due to trying hard to count the time between contractions. Unfortunately I either dozed off or the contractions were impossible to time because of irregularity-both in time and strength. This is a very frusterating situation as any woman who has given birth well knows. At this point in my life there is nothing that I wnat more than to go into active labor-especially trying to time all of this while Johnny is still home. It is an impossible task to control.
Saturday morning I woke and stood and had a gush of fluid leave my body uncontrollably which sent excitement through my blood! Had my water broke and I would be on my way??? Johnny and I got our things together and went to the hospital. It was determined that my water had not broke at all, and what I thought was a burst of amniotic fluid was more than likely just a case of incontinence from all the pressure!!! Talk about a let down. I still held hope that maybe my body was doing it's job over night and my cervix was opening enough to be kept in the hospital. Again, to our disppointment, I was told that I was still dialated at 2 cm. No change!!!!!! I got to lay in bed for an hour and was then sent home.
Still determined that I would have this baby by the end of the weekend, Johnny and I spent 2 hours walking through Target last night. It left me very tired and I had finally got wonderful sleep. My contractions still are irregular and I am almost consumed by back pain which I really want to believe is one big disguised contraction. I'm not so sure that I am correct though.
So tonight Johnny will leave at his usual 8pm time frame, and I will be left in Dinuba wondering how quickly he can get back should the need arise before next weekend. I was positive that I would have delivered by now, so attempting to put another time frame on Benjamin's arrival would only mean setting myself up for a let down.
As I laid in bed last night I thought about the lesson that I have been learning all summer-patience. Perhaps this is another was of enforcing the lesson and preparing both Johnny and I for the extreme amount of patience that we will need as parents.
Waiting And Wishing!
Tomorrow is my doctor's appointment for one of the two due dates which I was given. This means that I am either 39 weeks or 40 weeks depending on which doctor I speak to! Last week when I went to the doctor I pleaded with Dr. Cano to get Benjamin out of me!!!! Dr. Cano said that "if" on next Friday (which is now tomorrow) I am at least dialated to 4 cm he would admit me and break my water so that Benjamin's birth can be somewhat planned around Johnny's weekend homecoming. So today I went for a walk (as much as I could take) and bounced ridiculously on a yoga ball for an hour in effort to force Benny out! I know neither of these may have helped, but I am so ready to not only meet him, but be comfortable again! Needless to say, we all are ANXIOUS!!!!
Since this is my first child, I have no idea what I am "supposed" to feel like. At moments I feel as though I could run a marathon if it weren't for the fact that my tummy may make me off balance and land me face first into the nearest cement block. Then at other times I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep for 24 hours straight. I am achy, but nothing which makes me believe that I am about to push a baby out of .. well, you know. I question my higher tolerance for pain and my stubborness.
All the while, poor Johnny is working 13 hour days between the pharmacy and teaching both morning and night classes. His question each time we talk is "How's my boy"? and I find myself snapping at him and saying "he's STILL in my stomach" or ""still kicking" then wishing that I had bit my tounge. I can't imagine what it is like being on constant stand-by three hours away and not being able to be here during these last days of pregnancy (lucky him!).
All in all, tomorrow has potential to be the big day and I can only hope so! Please everyone, say a prayer!
Until next.....
Since this is my first child, I have no idea what I am "supposed" to feel like. At moments I feel as though I could run a marathon if it weren't for the fact that my tummy may make me off balance and land me face first into the nearest cement block. Then at other times I feel like I could close my eyes and sleep for 24 hours straight. I am achy, but nothing which makes me believe that I am about to push a baby out of .. well, you know. I question my higher tolerance for pain and my stubborness.
All the while, poor Johnny is working 13 hour days between the pharmacy and teaching both morning and night classes. His question each time we talk is "How's my boy"? and I find myself snapping at him and saying "he's STILL in my stomach" or ""still kicking" then wishing that I had bit my tounge. I can't imagine what it is like being on constant stand-by three hours away and not being able to be here during these last days of pregnancy (lucky him!).
All in all, tomorrow has potential to be the big day and I can only hope so! Please everyone, say a prayer!
Until next.....
Random Pictures from my summer of pregnancy!
Along the US 10 in Texas. I was 5 months pregnant and so tiny yet thought I was so huge!
Some people paint happy faces.. Johnny takes on the world! The finished project!
Maddison blowing kisses to Benjamin
Almost 9 months and waiting!
Benny's first birthday pie which daddy made. I knew it wouldn't make it until his actual birthday!
Struggling with the playpen! This may not be a good sign!
Practicing putting the car seat in our car!
And finding out that it doesn't fit so well. This is a more serious sign of trouble!
Maddy test driving Benny's stroller! I think she liked it!
Playing beer pong with water. The boys didn't think it was fair, but we didn't care!
Our baby shower cake! It was delish! We can't wait to meet him!
